Now that you've gotten my version of events, I thought I'd let you read Lisa's as well (taken from 2 emails she sent out during/after my visit). Enjoy!
-K
I haven’t actually disappeared- my friend from University, Kate, has been visiting. She currently works for a NGO that works with refugees on the Burundi-Tanzania border and as the camps are shutting down, fuel supplies are so low that they have instituted mandatory lunch hour at her compound so they can shut the power off and conserve fuel supplies. So basically, all I have to do is provide a consistent electric current and she’s impressed. But after the vacation from hell that Sundae and Kenzie had in Cairo (sorry again guys) everyone with whom I am even vaguely acquainted has made it their mission to ensure that Kate’s visit is a success.
Kate’s flight came in at 1:30 in the morning, and ever since I showed up at the airport on the wrong day to greet Sundae and Kenzie, Abir & co. have judged me incompetent and clearly incapable of wandering off in the direction of the airport unattended. So I showed up at the airport with not one, but two Mohamed Hussein Mohameds in tow. I know the naming combinations are fairly limited, but the probability of such an event has to be quite small. Then they had the nerve to complain that it was difficult what with my friend’s name being Kate and my roommate’s name Katie. I just glared at them. Kate arrived carrying amazingly local luggage- the sort of plaid plastic tarp bags with a zipper- guaranteed to fall apart after a couple of uses (if you’re lucky) and we were then delivered safely to our apartment which had electricity, so already the visit was off to a good start.
Day 1- I decided that instead of gradually reintegrating Kate into modern civilization, we should just plunge her right in, and we went to City Stars, the six story mall that stretches across two towers and contains three movie theaters, the normal one, the deluxe one, and the VIP theater and chains like TGIFridays and Chili’s. We had a fantastic lunch at PizzaCreme, which has taken the pizza slice and turned it into a pizza cone to make it more portable. It really does look like an ice cream cone, but tastes surprisingly like a real pizzaو and while I am not sure it lives up to the billing on the menu that claims you can swim while eating it, it is very portable. Kate then got to play in the hypermarket in the basement (the extra large version of a super market) and we purchased some snacks that we could then smuggle into the movies in our purses. Next on the schedule was the VIP cinema, to see Push while reclining in large extra comfy leather lazy boy style recliners. I managed to persuade my chair to lean back using an unorthodox method, as I could not locate the lever. My arms are too short. Kate was kind enough to point it out at the end of the feature presentation. You can also order food and it will be served recliner side at your own little table, but we had already come prepared with the aforementioned snacks. It was absolutely ridiculous, but necessary
to try once.
Day 2- Kate managed to impress with her bread making talent. She would go to the countryside in Africa and learn how to cook. By then it was too late to go to the American embassy, which closes its doors at eleven am (possibly in an effort to keep the stereotypically late sleeping Egyptian from applying for visas, but then again, perhaps I’m developing the local flare for conspiracy theories) so we did the next best thing and went to book stores. Abdu stopped by to be introduced to Kate after he finished his English course, which is conveniently located on our island (yes, I have claimed it). She declared that I had broken Abdu as well after I told her the Abdu and the desert story, which I shall now relate to all of you. He called me up at quarter to midnight one night (which fortunately, I have adjusted to Egyptian Standard time enough to at least stay up til that hour on weekends, and asked if I could come down and talk to him in the street. He would be there in five minutes. He sounded distressed and told me he had a problem so I agreed to meet him. It was actually comical in the poor Abdu sort of way, because he and his two guy friends had managed to offend some American girls and they had no idea why. I mean they were absolutely befuddled. The American girls had told Abdu and his friends that they wanted to go drinking, so the Egyptian boys, wanting to impress the girls, purchased the alcohol and then took the girls, I kid you not, out to the edge of the desert to drink because it has a really nice view. The American girls, who had only been in Egypt for a few weeks, and had probably been warned a million times not to become the next Natalie Holloways, started freaking out immediately and demanded that Abdu and friends take them to a party in Zamalek (our island again). Abdu knew they were angry and couldn’t figure out why so, as I’m the closest thing to a big sister he has, he had called me up for advice. The boys thought that they were pleasantly surprising the girls by taking them to such a pretty place, oblivious to the kidnapping potential desert vistas afford. I gave Abdu advice on how to remedy the situation, including a very detailed set of instructions on how to apologize to an American girl (to sum up “you are wrong, even when she is, and there are no buts in an apology”) He seems to have taken the advice to heart and after only a fifteen minute conversation with him, Kate declared him a broken Egyptian, but a fixed man, and decided I should set up my own NGO, or even tuition charging school, as I tend to leave a trail of hopelessly well-mannered men in my wake. The evening ended at the Rotana café which is located on a river boat on the Nile and the theme is Rotana cable channels, which has a channel for classic films, modern films, and music videos. So the whole evening I caught glimpses of some truly awesome outfits from the fifties on the black and white channel, there was Jacque O hair and a smoking jacket. The main female characters also started belly dancing on a bus at one point, which given the general state of Egyptian roads and traffic is truly an impressive feat.
Day 3- We went to the US embassy because Kate needed more pages in her passport or she would not be able to get back into Tanzania after her vacation, and not only was there no line, but all the employees spoke English. That never, ever happens. Everyone in our program has long since given up seeking help at the embassy because it proves to be nothing but an exercise in frustration, and calling Abir is so much simpler and more efficient to boot. But Kate leads a charmed life. The front desk lady did confiscate my mace for the duration of the visit- top notch security USA. I bet they would stop people if the metal detector went off, too! Afterwards we walked downtown for the one Egyptian food everyone is guaranteed to like, koshari, which is just pasta, lentils, tomato sauce, and fried onions, and I have found that everyone who doesn’t have an allergy to one of the above enjoys that particular dish.
Day 4- Yet another set of English speaking employees at the US embassy when we went to fetch Kate’s passport. I began doing quick calculations in my head to assess the odds that the apocalypse was upon us. Then we went to the Aladdin market (my name for it, not theirs) to purchase some scarves. I managed to pick one (and by that I mean Kate found it. YAY personal shoppers) that has pink and black in it (we’ll consider it a concession to Kenzie and her staid business clothing) and we found a couple of others for presents at the same place. When it came time to bargain, the man tried to swear to me that he was giving me the best price on the first of the three scarves we were buying and I informed him that, no, they were selling the same scarf for two thirds that price at another shop. He said that was not possible, and I gave him directions to the other store (completely wrong directions as I had since forgotten the way, but he was convinced by my confident reply) and gave me the reduced price, then before he would even quote me a price on the second scarf he asked warily if I knew the price for that too. I got more offers of marriage or “Egyptian boyfriend” than on any prior occasion, and I think that this can be attributed to my awesome outfit which consisted of a hot pink tank top layered over a bright yellow one, layered over a bright blue one and topped off with a white cardigan. It was truly amazing. It also paid off later as the word went before us that we spoke Arabic, and between that and the Egyptian get up, this one merchant actually led off with the Egyptian price. Kate had been shopping for a thick shawl/blanket, and all the merchants had been starting at 150. This guy began with 55. We both registered expressions of extreme shock on our faces, which he interpreted as dismay and he quickly apologized but said it was the fair Egyptian price. I had to explain that that was why we were surprised. We of course bought from him. Then it was off to home to prepare some chocolate heart-shaped cupcakes for birthday lunch at Abir’s. I had fortunately given Kate a quick character sketch of Selma (the hilarious and somehow domineering six year old) and Abir, and Kate had already met Abdu, but nothing really prepares one for a visit with Abir’s family. We got out of the cab and were walking down the street when this little blur came flying at us and Kate said she looked over and thought, “wow, there’s a child attached to Lisa.” Selma had been on the way to the hair dresser to get her hair straightened because apparently she loves my hair so much, and had discovered us en route. She demanded I then carry her to the coiffure and I only managed to escape and bring the present and food bags to Abir’s apartment after she extracted the promise that I would come back. Abir had managed to convince her husband to get in the kitchen and make one of the dishes for lunch (though she admitted she cooked the rest of it) and then he and Abdu disappeared to purchase her present, leaving us to have girl talk, and Abir gave us a special lesson in awesome Arabic phrases such as “ I am going to elbow you,” and “I will take you to the morgue.” She was impressed that the words and phrases I had already taught Kate were along a similar vein, with the exception of Happy Birthday, which, of course, I taught her to use on Abir. Around nine o’clock we left, “lunch” having been concluded, and ran into a sleepy Selma on the street again, being carried home by Abdu after her four hour hair appointment. We then went home and used our new blender to make milkshakes (“milkchakes” in Egyptian colloquial) with just a touch of Baileys in them and turned in early, having been informed by our Egyptian friends that the party that night had been canceled.
12:30 am- The doorbell rings, and I realize the extent of my misunderstanding. The party may have been canceled, but Kate must have a good time, so they have determined they will entertain us anyway. After some quite speedy dressing we headed off to no less than four hours driving in the car. The first hour and a half was consumed looking for Hammoudi’s car, because he had forgotten where he parked it. Then they did not have a plan, so I suggested the pretty café on the edge of the desert that has the whole pillows and tents in the sand thing going, and we got most of the way there when two of the guys decided that they wanted to rent a felucca (the brightly lit obnoxious music blaring boats on the Nile) so we reversed and headed back the other direction. At this point, however, I demanded they stop and feed me. I have developed quite the reputation as the girl that needs to be fed every three hours. I am, as they put it, always eating or sleeping. It is a reputation of which I am quite proud. By the time we got to the boat place that is open “24 hours” the man who runs it was sleeping so that killed that plan and we ended up going to play billiards at a place that is actually 24 hours and has black glass windows, so you cannot tell the state of the sun outside, and we lost track of time, and walked out into broad daylight at six am. After Kate made me pancakes, it was time for bed and a busy day.
Day 5- The pyramids. I had previously secured Abdu’s promised to assist us at the pyramids as people begin pushing you around and trying to steer you away from the true ticket booth and into their perfume shops from hundreds of meters out. Fortunately, Abdu’s uncle is an officer at the pyramids and he was on duty that day, so not only were we absolutely not bothered, but we got in for free, it was amazing. And then on the way out, Abdu convinced the cops to allow the horse cart we were in to go the wrong way on a one way road so we could go back and thank his uncle. He’s truly VIP. They even change the traffic laws for him.
Then it came time for Egyptian dance party. A friend of one of our friends is close friends with the DJ at a really expensive dance club, so after the usual delays (the guy coming to pick us up getting into an accident, etc.) he convinced them to wave the cover so we got in free. Did I mention this club was on a boat? It was awesome. Kate got a lesson in hip wiggling and I was impressed to discover that my Egyptian dancing skills had somewhat improved. The DJ was good though, and by that I mean that he played things other than house music after three am, which is enough to win me over, as it’s a courageous decision to go against the norm. Plus he was the reason we got in free, so I was a little biased. This club also had the dark glass so when they raised the house lights and we filed out at closing time, we discovered it was once again six am. Poor Kate, I have determined that she is not to sleep on this vacation.
Day 6- Given that technically we were still dancing when day six rolled around, day six was spent mostly sleeping; it seems I can be merciful after all.
Day 7- Shahreena comes back tomorrow, and she is OCD about cleanliness, so I figured the polite thing to do would be to scrub, sweep and mop everything before she gets back tomorrow. But then I did my favorite thing to do to guests (my mother started this in August when she spontaneously started bleaching the bathtub), I impressed Kate into Cinderella service (though I must admit she went above and beyond and organized the fridge). Then by 3:30 we headed off to Egyptian lunch at the Yemeni restaurant. I have never ever seen any other women in this restaurant, but the food is so good I don’t care. When they have food that is. We walked in today and the man said “we have only salad” in Arabic. I asked him if he was sure, and he replied
that there was no meat until 5:30. Now not having meat and only having salad are two entirely different things, so I asked if they had fusulia, this pinto beans and tomato sauce dish which is the whole reason I go there and after a quick shouted argument in which one man declared they didn’t have it and the other one said they could bring it, the waiter decided we could in fact order fusulia and bread, even though neither of those was salad. This group of men sitting to our left had been there when we came in, and we had arrived at approximately 4:45 or so, and it turns out they were sitting there waiting for the meat. They must have been waiting over an hour. It’s so Egypt. Also one of the men at that table was wearing a side arm coupled with the most unabashedly hot pink tie I have ever seen in my life.
Upon examining our neater, and consequently significantly more empty looking, refrigerator this morning, Kate and I decided a trip to the grocery store was in order before breakfast could become a reality. So we traversed the entirely too lengthy distance of two blocks to the Alpha grocery store, and they had a live EASTER display (because Coptic Easter is a week behind, and was therefore yesterday). There were three incredibly adorable bunnies playing in the front window, eating carrots and lettuce and frolicking, but the sad reality is there will probably be a rabbit meat sale at metro this week. But they were soooo cute. And the store had a bunch of hard boiled eggs so you could dye one and then shop while it dried.
Then we had to go to the dorm and use the internet, and meet up with one of Kate’s friends from Princeton who has refused to be my friend. She sent him my email months ago, and he has not contacted me, so I have declared him a defective Woody Woo student because he fails at networking, and have labeled him beyond salvage. We met this boy today in the garden and I am slightly relieved now that he’s not my friend, because he is very down on Egypt, and it’s quite weird, because it seems he hasn’t earned the right to be down on Egypt yet so I’m sort of indignant on Cairo’s behalf (and mine too perhaps). He’s lived what Kate would call a version of Egypt-lite. Anyway, I tried to invite him to Abir’s festivities today, but he said no. Kate will defend him, he had homework. Psssh. He should come play!!!!
Why should he come play? Today, the day after Coptic Easter, is an Egyptian national holiday that roughly translates to “smelling the breezes.” It’s a sort of welcoming spring festival and basically means the streets are all empty because everyone goes picnicking at one of the many many clubs. Abir, well connected as always, invited us to the police officers club and instructed me to wear long clothes as a precaution. I still almost got married anyway, but it’s just such a common occurrence that I had forgotten about it by the time we got home and Kate had to remind me. Anyway, a friend of Abir’s brother was introduced to me through her eleven year old son Yusef, and then all the sudden questions started coming, and I fielded them all quite well, and we played bumper cars (Selma insisted on driving ours, but then would get scared when we were about to hit anything and let go of the wheel, so she commanded that I drive halfway through) What is it with men and trying to pick me up while playing bumper cars? That’s twice now in Egypt. Then we got to the “are your mother and father in Egypt?” question, but I discovered, in a flash of brilliance, an excellent way to shut that one down. “No, but you know Abir, your friend’s sister, well she’s like my mother here in Egypt and I never have any problems” After that he disappeared to go fraternize with his male friends. It was like magic. The picnic was entertaining. Ziad, Abir’s five year-old nephew who is incredibly adorable, and her daughter Selma were both there. I have determined that’s it’s the best of both world’s for everyone. I get invited to all sorts of Egyptian events (and this time I got to bring Kate along for the cultural festivities) and Abir and her sister get free babysitting so they can have some adult conversation. There was face painting (though we only ever saw spiderman so we think perhaps the artist only does one look), fried doughballs with honey, dancing, the occasional costumed figure of a television cartoon figure, and lots of families.
This is the weird part about the day. It is a family holiday, to be spent picnicking and celebrating, but many (though not all) of the men simply peaced out to hang out with their guy friends. Scanning most of the tables you would see the mothers, and younger teenage boys, but most everyone who considered himself a man had scampered off somewhere to bond in a masculine fashion or whatnot. Abir's husband had gone home early, and Abdu wasn't present at all as he had gone to Alexandria, (with his father's permission but not his mother's) though he did call to say goodbye to Kate and I mentioned I was currently with his mother and he did the sharp inhaling of breathe in dismay thing. Ziad's father just never showed up, but Ziad is a perfectly happy kid so he's rather unphased by anything. He's really cute too. It's sort of like my brother Dan when he was three and in pre-school and had all his kindergarten play-mommies to take care of him, and if Dan got stuck on the slide it was as serious as a natural disaster. Kate and I were walking around swinging Ziad up over curbs and teenage girls that are his friends from the bus were saying hi to him and waving from the swings. He also could not quite grasp that Kate doesn't really speak Arabic and just kept trying very earnestly to express his desire for a brush so that he could do her hair as Selma had done it earlier (I, for once, got the day off.) And I would step in and ask him what he wanted and he would tell me, and never really notice that I had answered and not Kate and would go back to demanding things from her in Arabic. After that, the dancing cartoon characters appeared, and Selma nearly fell asleep while I was carrying her, so Kate and I determined it was time to go home. Plus Shahreena was in the process of cooking Malaysian dinner for us, so it would not do to be too late.
Dinner was fantastic and Shahreena- like as always. My plan is to acquire some Tanzanian music from Kate and dance around the kitchen cooking Malaysian food and watch my mom stare bemusedly at the cultural chaos when I get home. All I really know how to cook now is Malaysian food, but I was left unattended for two weeks and managed to pull off two dishes without supervision so at least I can do that mildly successfully.) After dinner the car we had lined up to take Kate to the airport broke down (it is Egypt after all) but her luck held in that not only was there a metered yellow cab available, but the driver did not smoke. I am quite envious.
But the best part, as she was leaving she said she didn't want to go. None of my guests ever honestly say that!!! I am glad Cairo was nice to her.
xoxo
Lisa
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